


Dictates of the Heart

by elaine



Category: due South
Genre: Drama, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Romance, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1999-04-10
Updated: 1999-04-10
Packaged: 2018-11-10 20:01:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11133699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elaine/pseuds/elaine
Summary: Ray returns to Chicago to find that Ben's life is in a real mess. Written long before COTW aired.





	Dictates of the Heart

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Speranza, the archivist: this story was once archived at [Due South Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Due_South_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Due South Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/duesoutharchive).

Dictates of the Heart

# Dictates of the Heart

It was five am when Ray's plane landed at O'Hare, far too early to go to the Precinct. Not that he really wanted to make that his first port of call after six months away. It was also way too early for his family to be awake. In fact there was only one person Ray knew who was at all likely to be awake by the time he reached the city. It didn't hurt that Ben was the person he most wanted to see anyway. 

Even with the delay of picking up his luggage and finding a cab, it was not quite six am by the time the cab pulled up outside the slum that Ben called his Chicago home. Ray's heart beat faster. He hadn't kept in touch with Ben, that had been impossible while he was working undercover. He wondered what might have changed since he'd last seen Ben. Surely if the Mountie had been transferred back to Canada, Ben would have found a way to let him know. 

He hurried up the stairs and along the hallway and then hesitated outside the door of apartment 3J. What if Ben had left Chicago? Instead of knocking, he turned the handle. It gave easily under his hand, and he sighed with relief and walked in. Nobody else would live in this building and not have a lock on the door. 

"Hey, Benny." 

Surprisingly, Ben was still in bed, asleep. Or, he had been asleep. A dark head lifted, turned his way, and the pale face broke into a wide, if somewhat sleepy smile. 

"Ray!" 

He found himself sitting on the edge of the bed, before Ben had done more than push himself into a sitting position. Dief came over too and greeted him with a pleased sounding whine. Ray bent over the wolf, making a fuss of him to cover the fact that he was feeling suddenly very awkward. After six months apart, he almost felt like a stranger to the man who had become his best friend. He lifted his head and met the blue-grey eyes that were studying him carefully. They both started to speak at once, stopped, started again, and burst out laughing. 

"Oh dear." Ben wiped a hint of dampness away from his eyes. "It's so good to see you again Ray." 

"Yeah." Ray grinned at his friend, but as the laughter died out of their eyes, he realised that there was something wrong. "Are you OK, Benny? You don't look too good." 

Ben's smile faded. "Things have been... difficult, lately." It seemed to Ray that he was going to say something and then changed his mind. "I've missed you, Ray. I'm glad you're back." 

"I missed you too, Benny." There was too much emotion in both their voices. Ray looked away for a moment. When he looked back, he thought Ben had recovered his equilibrium. "So what's been happening?" 

Ben's eyes met his again, briefly, and the look in them was heartbreaking. 

"Benny, what's wrong? Tell me what's the matter." 

Ben didn't answer him, just took a shaking breath and shook his bowed head slightly. Ray leaned forward and put an arm around him carefully. He'd half expected Ben to pull back, but instead his friend leaned into him and Ray could hear from his breathing that he was trying to suppress tears. Ray brought his other arm up around Ben and drew him closer. 

It was strange, but rather wonderful, to hold Ben in his arms, and to feel Ben's arms slide around him and hold him tightly. Ray moved his cheek lightly against the soft dark hair and breathed in the man's scent. After a while he began to stroke Ben's back soothingly, feeling his warmth through the thin undershirt and the movement of muscles underneath the skin as Ben shifted slightly against him. 

Time simply stood still. When Ben finally moved away, Ray had no idea how much time might have elapsed. He put his hand under Ben's chin and turned his face up slightly, seeing the misery in those lovely eyes. Then Ben was moving closer again and Ray watched, almost mesmerised, as the firm lips parted and approached his own. It was a tentative kiss, brief and sweet. He hadn't expected it, but he had no doubts about returning it. 

Hesitantly, they kissed again. And again. Ray felt sure this was just as much new territory for Ben as it was for him. New, but oh so delightful... He gathered his courage and slid his tongue lightly over Ben's lips. The body pressed against his trembled slightly. He 

deepened the kiss, and felt Ben's breath enter his mouth as he moaned softly. With the kind of thoroughness he normally expected from the Mountie, Ray began to explore the depths of Ben's mouth. 

Kissing was no longer enough. They both seemed to feel it at the same time. Ray began to caress Ben's bare arm, and his other hand rested gently on the nape of his neck, playing with the short tendrils of hair. For Ben it wasn't so easy, but he slid his hands under the light sweater Ray was wearing and then pulled his undershirt up so he could touch the bare skin. Even that simple touch was more arousing than Ray had ever imagined it could be. He eased Ben down onto the bed and helped him to remove their clothing. 

Ray had never in his wildest dreams imagined himself lying naked in bed with his best friend. Obviously his dreams had never been wild enough, because this was the most wonderful thing that had ever happened to him. The sensations were fantastic. He'd never thought a man's skin could be so soft or silky, had never thought what it would be like to touch the hard, flat, masculine planes of a man's body. And when Ben moved closer, pressing the whole length of his body against Ray's, chest to chest, thigh to thigh, cock, incredibly, to cock, Ray stopped thinking altogether and simply allowed his senses to take control. 

Drifting in a haze of pleasure, afterward, Ray wondered if he should go away more often. Not for six months at a time, of course. A couple of days maybe. But then he remembered how this had started. He looked over at Ben's face, resting beside his on the pillow. Even now, relaxed, his eyes closed, Ben had an air of deep unhappiness about him. He touched the pale cheek gently and Ben's eyes opened. A smile transformed the beautiful face, but did nothing to dispel the sadness in his eyes. Ben blinked a couple of times and whispered his name. 

"Benny, why are you so unhappy? Tell me, love." The endearment slipped out before he'd realised he was saying it. Ben's response surprised him though. The blue-grey eyes filled with tears and he turned his head away. It was then that Ray noticed for the first time the plain gold ring on his left hand. 

Five minutes later, Ray was still none the wiser. He hardly remembered those first few moments when he'd almost tumbled out of the bed and then hurriedly pulled on his clothes. Ben had simply huddled miserably in the bed until Ray demanded he get dressed. Now he was painstakingly making coffee while Ray paced nervously up and down. 

Finally the coffee was ready and as if by mutual consent, they sat at the small table, avoiding each other's eyes by staring down into their cups. 

"Who is she, Benny? I assume it's a she." 

Ben winced at the harshness in Ray's voice, but answered steadily enough. "Yes. It's Meg." 

"What?!" Ray nearly dropped his cup. "The Dragon Lady?" 

"I wish you wouldn't call her that." Ben's voice was distinctly petulant. 

Ray looked up and Ben, who'd been watching him, lowered his head. "So what are you doing here? And why isn't she here with you?" 

"We're separated." It was hardly more than a whisper. 

Ray could hardly believe his ears. "In six months? You got married and separated in less than six months?" 

Ben nodded without looking up. 

"Geez, Benny... I'm sorry." He reached over and put his hands over Ben's. "Wanna tell me about it?" 

Ben sighed. "It started after you left. I was... lonely..." The way he said it, it sounded like something shameful. Perhaps for him it was, Ray thought. 

"And the two of you got together?" He knew there'd been some interest there, on both sides, but he'd never thought it would come to anything. 

"We started to see each other socially." Ben looked up at him at last. "I know you never liked her, Ray. But she's intelligent, attractive. She cares about her work, and so do I. It wasn't so surprising that I..." His voice trailed off miserably. 

"You fell in love with her." 

"Yes." Ben fiddled with the handle of his cup. 

"It must have happened pretty fast. I never thought of her as that type." 

"We both would have preferred to take more time, but it was a difficult situation. As my superior, she had to be careful not to give any impression of... inappropriate behaviour. I asked her to marry me, and she agreed." 

"Did she... you know, love you?" 

Ben looked shocked. "Of course, Ray. She wouldn't have married me otherwise. And if I'd had any doubts about that I would never have asked her." 

"God, I'm sorry... What went wrong?" 

The broad shoulders lifted in a bewildered shrug. "I don't really know. Within a couple of weeks it seemed like everything I did annoyed her. We fought a lot. It got to the point where we could hardly speak to one another without it becoming an argument. Even at the Consulate. Then she asked me to 

leave. I hadn't really had time to move out of this apartment completely, so I just came back here." 

There was so much pain in his voice. All Ray's anger had long since faded. He got up and went round the table to stand beside Ben, putting an arm around his shoulders and drawing him close. Ben twisted in his embrace and slid his arms around Ray's waist, burying his face against Ray's chest. 

"Why are you still wearing the ring, Benny?" He stroked the dark hair absent-mindedly. 

Ben's voice was muffled. "Nobody knows we've separated. Meg took a big risk marrying a subordinate. For her marriage to fail so soon after the wedding would have caused a lot of talk. It wouldn't be good for her career." 

"And you're still in love with her." 

A faint trembling was all the answer he got, but it was all he needed. "What are you going to do?" 

"Sooner or later one of us will be transferred. The other one will stay here for a while. It's happened before, nobody will be very surprised by that." 

Ray couldn't fault that... it was all too common in police marriages. He didn't want to hear anymore. He drew back, cupping Ben's face between his hands, and bent to kiss him. Ben came to his feet in a rush, pressing against him, kissing him urgently. Suddenly they were stumbling back toward the bed. 

*

Ray was still in a state of shock when he reached his home. He managed to deal with the ecstatic welcome of his family by pleading exhaustion and went up to his room to think. After they'd made love again, he and Ben hadn't had much time left... Ben insisted that he had to go to work, and once Ray had time to get over his disappointment he realised it was probably better to spend some time apart. They both had a lot to think about. 

His excuse hadn't been so very far out after all. Ray changed into his pyjamas and slid into bed. He was asleep almost immediately, only to wake sweating and aroused, with the memory of Ben's hands on his body half an hour later. He dealt with that, with a desperate, cold efficiency and managed to fall asleep again. 

It was afternoon when he woke. He showered and dressed, then grabbed some leftover pasta from the refrigerator, before heading off to the Precinct. He'd arranged to pick up Ben from the Consulate after his shift and there was a lot for him to do first. 

Surprisingly, they were almost as happy to see him at the Precinct as his family had been. It was rather pleasant, and only slightly spoiled by Elaine asking about Ben. He made his report to Welsh, just for the record, and went to organise his desk, ousting the present occupant without a second thought. 

He'd finished more quickly than he expected. Ben's shift wouldn't finish for another hour, but he couldn't think of anything to do, so he went to the Consulate anyway. Turnbull was on guard duty. He went past without a second glance and up the stairs to Ben's office. 

Meg was in there too. 

He stopped as though he'd run into a glass wall. It hadn't even occurred to him that she might be there. He stared at her, she stared back, looking angry and supercilious. For a moment he wondered if Ben had told her about them. Surely he wouldn't do that. But Ben was looking very nervous. 

"Det. Vecchio, may I speak with you?" 

He swallowed his nervousness and put on a brave front. "Sure." 

"In my office." 

He stepped aside to let her pass and turned to follow her. At the door he turned back, raising an eyebrow enquiringly. Ben shook his head. Suppressing a sigh of relief he followed Meg to her office. 

*

Meg had been having a bad day. Ever since Ben had arrived, looking guilty, and told her that Ray Vecchio was back in Chicago and knew about their marriage, she'd known there was going to be trouble. She didn't like him at all, had never been able to understand what Ben had seen in him, or why their friendship had been so strong. To her, he was just a smart-mouthed cop, insubordinate and probably untrustworthy. 

Regretfully, she mentally withdrew that last thought. Knowing Ben, he would never become friends with somebody who was corrupt in any way. That didn't make her any happier. 

When in doubt, attack. She didn't remember who had told her that, but in this case, at least, it was probably good advice. As soon as Vecchio had shut her office door, she put it into use. 

"Before you start gloating, Detective, I think I should warn you that any stories you tell about me will hurt Ben's career just as much as mine. And you are supposed to be his friend, aren't you?" 

For a moment, seeing his frozen face, she thought it had worked. Then he stalked forward and leaned over the desk until he was practically touching her. 

"I don't give a damn about Benny's career." His voice came out as a low 

hiss. "And for all I care yours can go down the toilet. But I won't do anything to hurt Benny. It looks like that's your job, and you obviously don't need any help from me." He gave her a contemptuous look and turned to leave. 

Oh shit. "Wait." 

He stopped partway to the door and half turned. 

"I'm sorry. Please come and sit." 

Meg clenched her fingers together, mentally reviewing her opinion of him, while Vecchio found a chair and brought it over to her desk. He sat and looked at her, his face hard. 

"I apologise for my remark. I know you don't like me, and I thought..." She couldn't continue in the face of his obvious disdain. 

"You thought I'd grab the first chance I got to humiliate you. Well I don't work like that. Is that all?" He leaned forward as if to rise. 

"No. Please." 

He sighed and sank back in the chair, watching her guardedly. 

"I want you to know I didn't mean to hurt Ben. I wanted the marriage to work." She wasn't sure why she was telling him this. God only knew, he was the last person she'd want to discuss anything personal with. But then, he was the only person she could talk to. The only person who knew. "I'm not even sure why it didn't work." 

"Look, don't tell me about it. You should talk to Benny, not me." 

Talk to Ben! She forced a laugh. It was either that or cry. "I'm afraid Ben and I don't talk very much. On a personal level, at least." 

He smiled insincerely. "Well, there you are. Communication is the cornerstone of a good marriage, so they say." He stood, and she realised that he would leave no matter what she said. "Nice talking to ya. Have a nice day." 

*

It was completely silent in the apartment and Ben wondered if Ray had left while he was sleeping. He hadn't meant to fall asleep, but the combination of the late afternoon warmth and some fairly strenuous love-making had tired him. 

The sunlight still lay like a caress across his skin. He opened his eyes fractionally and saw that Ray was standing near the window staring out, wearing just his dark briefs and a white shirt, hanging open. Ben stretched and yawned, drawing Ray's attention, and he came over and sat on the edge of the bed. Ben sat up and leaned forward slightly to kiss him. 

It felt so good to be held in another's arms, to kiss long and lovingly, to touch warm bare skin. Ben disengaged and transferred his kiss to the soft flat nipple, feeling Ray's heart beating against his lips. He could hear the change in Ray's breathing as he sucked gently, while his hands slid up and down the slim back. He hummed his pleasure against Ray's chest. Slowly he worked his way over the sensitive skin moving up to the hollow at the base of Ray's throat and Ray reciprocated by nibbling gently at his earlobe. 

They were kissing again, tongues searching deeply in each other's mouths. He could do this forever. But then his hand slid up beneath the silken shirt to Ray's left shoulder and he felt the unevenness of the skin there. He knew at once what it was and it jarred him out of the mood. Carefully, as though it would still be hurting, he eased the shirt off Ray's shoulder and bent his head to kiss him there. 

"It wasn't an accident, was it Ray?" 

"No." 

He sighed and kissed the scar again. 

Ray stroked his hair. "I couldn't bear the thought of letting you be hurt again, Benny. It was an easy choice to make." 

There was nothing he could think of to say to that simple statement. He slid the shirt off Ray and laid it aside, his hand returning to cup Ray's cock, the outline of it hard beneath the thin briefs. Ray moaned into his mouth and they stayed unmoving for a long time. 

Eventually something had to give, and it was Ray who started moving almost unconsciously, rubbing himself against Ben's hand. 

"Come here..." Ben drew Ray over his lap, turning him so he could lean back against Ben's chest. Their legs tangled together and Ben reached down to part the long slender legs and draw his hand back up between them. He began to kiss the back of Ray's neck, moving down to his shoulder, exploring the other scar at the back. 

Ray sighed with pleasure, pushing against the hand on his groin, and lifting Ben's free hand to his chest. His head fell back against Ben's shoulder and Ben was able to look down the long body and see what effect his hands were having. He slid a hand inside the briefs, running his fingers lightly over the quivering erection. His own cock leapt at the touch, pressing against Ray's body in the tight space between them. 

It wasn't enough just to feel, though. Ben pushed the briefs down at the front, revealing the dark length of Ray's cock. Another push at the cloth and the low-slung pouch of his balls came free. Both Ben's hands were holding Ray now and Ray shuddered, his body lifting into the intimate touch. Ray managed to push his briefs down even further so that when his hips came down again there was nothing between him and Ben at all. 

Everything was happening in a breathless silence, Ray's body beginning to rock against Ben's hands and Ben's cock, as it nestled against the cleft of his ass. Then Ray gasped as contractions shook his body. Ben turned his head from watching Ray's face to see the dark cock pump wildly, releasing his semen in a thick gush. He continued his stroking, gently now, until Ray relaxed against him with a small moan. Ben's cock throbbed painfully as Ray shifted against him, turning his head enough to be able to kiss him. He pushed his hips up urgently, then a single long shudder ran through him and left him completely limp. 

Ben felt Ray twisting in his arms, rearranging his position so they were chest to chest, their cocks sleepily nuzzling together. He opened his eyes almost reluctantly. Ray kissed him again and drew back. 

"That was incredible, Benny. Thank you kindly." A little grin tugged at the full, sensuous lips. 

Ben smiled lazily. "It was my pleasure." 

The light was starting to dim, and he began to wonder whether he should suggest getting dressed and going out for dinner. 

"Benny, I gotta go... the family are expecting me for dinner, and it's my first night back." Ray was looking at him uncertainly. 

Ben nodded his understanding, but he didn't really understand at all. Before, Ray would simply have insisted that he come too. Now Ray said nothing... 

Ray bustled around, rather unnecessarily in Ben's opinion, getting dressed. And still he said nothing. Maybe it was just as he'd said... his first night back. Maybe he was ashamed of their new relationship. Or maybe... Ben tried to smother the thought that every time he made love with someone they ended up hating him. 

*

Two days, since he'd last seen Ray. Not long really, Ben told himself, but it still made him nervous. It was nearly a month since Ray had come back. He'd thought they'd fall back into their old friendship, but it hadn't happened that way. He gave a reluctant laugh. Of course not. They were lovers now, of course their relationship had changed... 

Dief was watching him. Dief seemed to be watching him a lot these days. He thought that probably wasn't a good sign. Dief had watched him a lot when he'd been living with Meg too... But he didn't want to think about that. 

He shrugged, trying to look casual. "He's probably just finding it difficult to settle down again after being undercover. It's quite an adjustment you know." 

Dief stared at him, unblinking. 

"And then there's... well, us. It's a new thing for both of us. That will take some getting used to. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong between us. We just need to... adapt." 

Dief gave a little whine and lay down, his shoulder firmly turned to Ben. 

Ben kept talking, though now that Dief had turned away, he knew there was no point. "Well, I just don't see any good reason to bring it up. What am I supposed to say? That I think there's something wrong, but I don't know what? If there's something Ray wants to tell me, I'm sure he will when he's ready." 

But Dief was ignoring him now. 

*

"Benny, what's wrong?" 

Ben turned carefully, still a little sore, no doubt. "Why should anything be wrong?" 

"It's not... I mean, I didn't hurt you did I? You do want to do this too?" Ray wasn't going to let Ben get away with that pathetic excuse for an evasion. 

But Ben smiled and came into his arms readily. "Of course you didn't, Ray. Making love with you, it's..." Lost for words, he kissed Ray deeply. 

"Then what is it? Something I did?" 

Ben shook his head. "It's nothing to do with you. Don't worry so much, Ray." 

Don't worry so much. Easy for Ben to say. Ray couldn't help worrying. Whenever they were together it was obvious that Ben was making an effort to appear normal, but it was so transparently an act that it only made Ray worry more. If Ben hadn't been so eager a lover, Ray would have thought it was something to do with the two of them. 

"It's Meg, isn't it?" One look at Ben's stricken face was answer enough. He pushed himself up on his elbow. "Dammit Benny, is she bullying you? Stand up to her, for God's sake!" 

A hand on his arm drew him back down again. "Meg is not bullying me. I'm not a child, Ray, stop treating me like one! Since we separated Meg has always treated me with respect." 

The anger in Ben's voice surprised him. "Well what is it, then? Talk to me, Benny." 

Ben sighed. "It's just... awkward. The trade delegation's visiting from Ottawa and Meg has to socialise with them. There's a dinner at a restaurant tomorrow night, and of course it's expected that I'll be there too..." His voice trailed away unhappily. 

"Get out of it. Say you're sick or something." Ray would have done it in a flash and with no sense of guilt whatsoever, but he wasn't surprised to see Ben shake his head. 

"I can't do that, Ray. Besides, there'd only be another occasion later. I can't get out of them all. It's just... I hate having to pretend that we're still together." 

Ray touched his cheek. "It still hurts, huh?" 

Ben's lips tightened and he nodded. "It's not so bad at the Consulate, people just think we're being a little over formal there, but it's accepted. When it's a social event... well, we're expected to act like newly weds..." 

Oh, he could understand how that felt. He remembered those last few months with Ange, how they'd tried so hard to hide the trouble their marriage was in. He pulled Ben into his arms. "Have you talked to Meg about it?" 

Silly question... this was Benny. Of course he hadn't. 

Maybe there was something he could do about it... 

*

Standing outside the Dragon Lady's lair, it didn't seem like such a good idea any more. Ray took a deep breath, raised his hand to tap on the door... and didn't. He'd planned it carefully, knowing that Ben would be at lunch now and the coast would be clear. He hadn't planned on getting cold feet. 

The door opened. Inwards, luckily for him... and Ray found himself nose to nose with Meg. At least she was as startled as he was. He decided he'd better take advantage of that. 

Knowing it would throw her off balance, he smiled broadly. "Hi Meg. Can I have a word with you?" 

He took her arm and led her back into the office before she had a chance to resist. Her bewilderment didn't last long, by the time she was behind her desk she was back in control. 

"May I know what this is about?" Her voice was distinctly chilly. 

He let himself drop into a chair, casual as hell, and started his patented Vecchio charm routine. She didn't have to know his heart was thumping and his palms were sweating. 

"I just wanted to talk to you about Benny." He flashed her a smile. 

Meg frowned, her eyes narrowing. "What about Ben?" 

"Oh, come on, Meg. You're a smart woman. You must have seen how miserable he is." That was the way... a little flattery, a little serious appeal to the womanly instincts... 

It seemed to be working. Meg sighed. "We're in a difficult situation. I've tried to make it as easy for him as possible..." 

"Maybe you're going about it the wrong way..." He hesitated as Meg frowned again. "I mean... maybe you need a different perspective. You know, the man's side of things? I've been through it. I know what it's like..." he let his voice trail away meaningfully. 

It looked like she was taking the bait. He decided to push his advantage. "Maybe if you relaxed a little bit around him... you know, a bit more casual? He said you're both very formal here, and then you have to put on an act when you're out socially. I'm betting it would make things easier if you opened up a bit." 

He'd blown it. He saw it in her eyes before she spoke. "If I opened up? I'm not the one who needs to open up, Vecchio." 

He put up his hands placatingly. "I know, I know. But you know what Benny's like. The original clam. If you two are ever gonna start talking, it'll have to be you who gets the ball rolling." 

Meg leaned back, relaxing. She hadn't quite bought it, but she was close. He saw the same baffled anger in her face that he'd seen in Ange's years ago. Well, at least he'd learned from that, and what he'd learned seemed to work OK with Benny. 

"Hey, I know it isn't easy... You've gotta really push him, to get anything out of him. He must be the world's lousiest communicator..." And you're probably second worst, lady, he thought to himself. Why had either of them thought this marriage could work? 

But he'd done all he could... any more and she'd just start resisting. He spread his hands wide. "Look, I'm just trying to help here, Benny's my friend, right? It's up to you to decide what you want to do." 

"I'll think about it." Meg seemed to realise that her answer was too curt. She smiled slightly. "But thank you for coming." 

He stood. "Any time." At the door he turned. "If you want to, you know, discuss things with him... well, I'm gonna be busy tonight, so you won't be interrupted." 

She nodded. "Understood." 

He grinned at her, the first natural reaction he'd allowed himself. "Do all Mounties say that?" 

She smiled back. A nice smile, he thought, much to his own surprise. "No, not all of them." 

*

Meg lifted her hand to knock on the door of apartment 3J and hesitated, wondering why the hell she was here. But what Ray Vecchio had said to her made sense and she knew that she would always regret it if she backed out now. She knocked. 

The look on Ben's face when he opened the door nearly made her change her mind, but she accepted his rather stilted invitation to come inside. She'd forgotten what a hovel he lived in. She knew exactly how much he was paid, and she knew he could afford someplace much better than this. But that was typical of him, she reminded herself... he never seemed to feel the need for the kind of things other people couldn't do without. 

He offered her a cup of tea, awkwardly. She accepted, even more awkwardly, and sat at the table avoiding looking at him. Dief was staring at her. He'd stared at her a lot when she and Ben were still together and it had always made her uncomfortable. She avoided looking at Dief too. 

The tea, when it arrived, was camomile. Well, she hadn't really wanted a drink anyway... She stared into the cup, putting off the inevitable moment when she'd have to explain why she was there. She finally looked up, surprising Ben who was watching her. He glanced away. 

This was getting ridiculous. Meg took a deep breath. "Det. Vecchio came to see me today..." 

"Oh, dear... I'm sure he didn't mean..." Ben's voice trailed off, clearly not knowing what he should be apologising for, but pretty certain that there would be something. 

Meg couldn't help smiling. "For once, he wasn't offensive. He came to see me because..." She hesitated searching for a way of phrasing it tactfully. 

"...because he was worried about me. I'm sorry, Meg. I'll tell him to keep out of it. He really was only trying to help, I'm sure." 

Ever since they'd separated, she'd avoided looking too closely at him. What she saw now made her realise that Vecchio was right. Beneath the careful mask Ben looked tired, strained, and terribly unhappy. 

"He was right to come. You look awful, Ben." 

He shifted uncomfortably. "I'm fine. As fine as you are anyway..." 

It was her turn to feel uncomfortable. She shrugged. "It's not easy for either of us. Vecchio seemed to think I could be handling it better." 

Ben flushed. "He had no right to say that. I'm sorry." 

"Why not? It's the truth... look at us, we can hardly even speak to each other." 

There was no way he could answer this. Another painful silence descended on the apartment. 

She tried again, somewhat desperately. "I don't even know what went wrong between us. Well, apart from the obvious things..." 

"What obvious things?" Ben frowned slightly. 

She couldn't believe it. With an effort she kept her temper. "Well, for a start there was the night you were supposed to be home in time for dinner with the cultural attach. That was very embarrassing for me, Ben." 

"You know why I was late. I did explain it to you." 

"You always have an explanation, Ben. That doesn't change the fact that you made me look bad in front of an important diplomat." 

Ben folded his arms across his chest and leaned back in the chair. She knew what that meant, he was going to be stubborn. She got in first. 

"I'm not saying that your actions weren't commendable... but there were other considerations. Besides, you don't have to solve everybody's problems. You had other obligations." 

"Someone had to help them, Meg. Would you rather that I left them to die of exposure?" 

"Of course not. Ben, there are agencies for that kind of thing. You didn't have to spend the whole evening trying to find somewhere for those street kids to stay. If you were so concerned, why didn't you bring them here?" 

Ben looked embarrassed. 

She sighed. "Don't tell me... there was someone else already here." He nodded. "Oh Ben... you can't save the whole world. Or even the whole of Chicago." 

He was pouting the way he always did when he was losing an argument. "You and Ray have a lot more in common than you realise." 

Strangely, she didn't feel as insulted as she might have, she was beginning to have a lot of sympathy for the annoying detective. "Perhaps we were just right, have you ever considered that?" 

He obviously hadn't. 

"It wasn't even what you did, Ben... If you'd only let me know what was happening. It was humiliating making excuses for you when it was obvious I had no idea where you were. And that wasn't the only time." 

Ben had the grace to look slightly ashamed. "I suppose I'm used to acting on my own... not checking with anybody else. I'm sorry for that. It was thoughtless of me." 

Meg shrugged. That hadn't been the real problem and she knew it. "Let's face it Ben, even when we talked to each other, we never said very much." 

Ben threw her a puzzled look. "I'm afraid I don't know what you mean." 

"I know you don't, Ben. That's the problem." 

*

Ray had hardly slept all night for worrying. He hoped he'd done the right thing encouraging Meg to go talk to Ben, the last thing he wanted was for Ben to be hurt even 

more. He'd thought about going to see Ben in the middle of the night, after tossing and turning for hours, but he didn't want to wake him, or to interrupt the two of them if they were still talking. 

So when he woke, very early the next morning, he grabbed a hasty breakfast and took off. Outside the apartment he hesitated, wondering what he was going to find inside. There was no way to tell. He took a deep breath and went in. 

"Hey, Benny how'd it go?" 

Ben was still in bed. Ray smiled, that suited him. He started to extricate himself from his overcoat. 

Ben pushed himself up on one elbow. "Ray!" 

He didn't sound very pleased. Ray frowned. "Something wrong, Benny?" 

There was a movement in the bed behind Ben and a tousled head rose behind his shoulder. "You've got lousy timing, Vecchio." 

Ray felt his jaw drop. Mercifully, that was all he felt at first. Then it hit him. "Oh God. Oh shit..." 

He turned to leave, trying to drag his overcoat back over his shoulder so he wouldn't trip on it. Ben was calling his name and he thought he could hear Meg saying something in an annoyed tone. He simply ignored them. 

"Ray, please. Don't go." Ben was right behind him, he could smell the familiar scent of him. Then a hand grabbed his arm. 

"No, Benny. I gotta go. Oh God..." He was starting to cry. He'd never thought anything could hurt this much. 

Ben pulled him around and into his arms. It was only when Ray brought his hands up between them that he realised Ben was still completely naked. Somehow that made it worse. Ray pushed against him sharply, trying to break free but Ben's hands tightened on his arms. 

"Dammit, Benny, let me go!" 

"No, Ray, you can't go." And, as he continued to struggle... "I love you, you can't leave." 

Ray froze. They'd never spoken about love. Ray hadn't dared, and Ben had never said anything. He hardly heard the exclamation from the bed as Ben wrapped his arms around him and kissed him on the mouth. Slowly the pounding of his heart eased and he began to feel weak at the knees. Ray disengaged himself from Ben's mouth and leaned against him. Ben lowered his head and kissed him again on the temple, murmuring his name. 

"Would one of you mind telling me what the hell is going on?" 

Meg's voice, sounding furious, shocked them out of their daze. Ray had forgotten about her. He looked over Ben's shoulder at her, relieved to see that she was holding a sheet against her. He concentrated on breathing normally and resisted the urge to break into hysterical laughter. 

Ben's arms tightened around him. "I love him, Meg. And I love you. I don't want to lose either of you." 

There was a stunned silence. Suddenly Ray found that he'd lost any desire to laugh. He pulled free of Ben's arms and exchanged angry glances with Meg. Then she turned her head to look at Ben, still standing beside him. 

"I know he's your friend, Ben, but..." Her voice trailed off and she put a hand to her mouth. "Oh my God." 

For once Ray found himself on Meg's side. "You didn't tell her?" His voice rose with each word. "You slept with her and you didn't tell her you were sleeping with me?" 

United, for once, they turned twin glares on their lover. 

Ben shifted uncomfortably. "I didn't intend... There just wasn't much opportunity, Ray... Meg, I'm sorry, I never meant to deceive you about this." 

"I don't believe this. How long has it been going on?" Meg scowled at Ray. "And you. You wanted me to come here. What the hell were you trying to do?" 

Ray scowled back. "Not get you into bed with Benny, that's for sure." 

"Meg, Ray... can't we...?" 

"Shaddup, Benny." 

Ben looked over at Meg. 

"For once, I agree with Vecchio. Shut up, Ben. For God's sake put something on. And Vecchio? Turn around." 

*

It was a fairly subdued trio that gathered around the table a few minutes later. The adrenaline rush had worn off by now. Perhaps wisely, Ben had made them all camomile tea instead of coffee. Ray sipped at his and grimaced. None of them seemed to be in any hurry to speak and Dief was conspicuous by his absence. 

Finally Meg pushed away her tea untasted and sighed. "So how long has this been going on? Since before you went away?" 

"No!" Ray was insulted. "After I got back. And before you ask, I didn't know about you until after we... I mean..." He didn't really want to finish the sentence. 

"So you lied to him too." 

Ben flushed under Meg's accusing stare. "No! Well, not intentionally... we just... ah..." 

Ray came to his floundering lover's rescue. "It just happened, OK? We didn't exactly talk about it first. What do you think we are?" 

"I think you're two men who are sleeping together!" Meg snapped at him. 

They both blushed vividly. Ray dropped his head into his hands. 

"Meg." There was such tenderness in Ben's voice. "This is my fault, not Ray's. He was only trying to help because he saw how unhappy I've been. I never meant to hurt you. Or you, Ray." 

Ray brushed that aside impatiently. "Look. It doesn't matter how it happened. What are we gonna do now? That's what I wanna know. Benny?" 

"Why should he decide? He's the one who got us into this mess. Besides what's he supposed to do? Choose between us? Flip a coin?" Meg's voice was indignant. 

"I have no intention of choosing between you. Or flipping a coin." Ben's voice was stern, deadly serious. "I meant what I said. I love you both and I don't want to lose either of you." 

They both stared at him, gaping. Meg found her voice first. "Ben, it just doesn't work that way." 

Ben reached over to take her hand, his thumb gently stroking the wedding ring on her finger. "Why can't it? If that's what we want?" 

"Who said we want it, Benny? Did I?" Ray's voice was sour. He thought he could see that way this was going and he didn't like it. "You can count me out. I hope you'll both be very happy." 

He pushed back his chair and stood. Ben stared up at him, looking like he had when the judge had ordered Dief destroyed. Surprisingly, it was Meg who stopped him walking out the door. 

"What's the matter, Vecchio? Afraid to fight for your man?" 

He turned back. "No, I'm not afraid. Whaddaya want me to do? Slug you? I would've thought you'd be glad I wasn't interested." 

Meg looked down her nose at him, not an easy thing to do when she was sitting and he was standing. "I don't intend to win by default. I don't want to be the one who ends up with him because I'm the only one who's available." 

Ben slammed his hands down on the table, shocking them both. "Will you both stop this! There won't be any fighting, or flipping of coins. We'll discuss this like adults." 

*

Three hours later they were still squabbling. At least Meg and Ray were squabbling while Ben tried to referee. But even his legendary temper was starting to fray. After one particularly heated exchange, he simply got up and walked over to the window. Meg and Ray stalled in mid-fight and stared after him. 

When the silence stretched out, he turned back to look at them, leaning against the window frame "Is this just a game to you both? Is that all I mean to you? How do you think it feels to watch the two people I love most fight over me like two dogs with one bone..." 

Ben turned away again, but Ray had seen him lift his hand to press against his eyes. A gesture he knew too well. He went over and put his arm around Ben's shoulders. "Benny... Benny-love, don't. We'll work it out somehow." 

Ben turned into his arms and pressed his face against Ray's cheek, brushing a kiss over his skin. "I love her Ray. Just as much as I love you." 

"I know, Benny. I know. I just don't see how it can work, that's all." 

Ben sighed. "It won't. Not unless you both want it, too." 

Ray couldn't help looking over Ben's shoulder at Meg. She was still sitting at the table watching them. He'd never seen her face so unguarded. Somehow it helped him come to a decision. 

"Meg?" Ray held his hand out towards her. 

She shook her head. "I can't do this." 

"I'm not asking you to sleep with me. Do you want to work this out or don't you?" 

Meg exchanged a long look with Ben, then she got up and came over to them. Ben wrapped his arm around her, and Ray, feeling her tremble, stayed as still as he could while they kissed. Then he put his arms around both of them. 

*

Typically, it was Ray who got things moving. "So. How is this going to work?" 

It had taken a while before any of them were ready to deal with this question. They'd separated for a while. Meg had gone home and changed, while Ben took Dief for a walk in the park. Ray had gone for a drive and brought back some Chinese, which they'd eaten in silence. 

Meg and Ben were staring at Ray. He stared back challengingly. "Well? What do we do? Draw straws to see who gets him what nights?" 

Ben made a protesting sound and Meg blushed. 

"Well, you wanted this Benny. What did you think was going to happen?" In spite of the awkwardness of the whole situation, Ray couldn't help feeling a prickling of amusement. "There's seven days in a week... that's three nights each. He'll probably need the other night to recover, don't ya think?" 

He winked at Meg. She obviously decided to get into the spirit of things. "That seems reasonable... Would you rather alternate or have him for three nights in a row?" 

"Well..." God, this was getting complicated already. "If I'm on an investigation, I could be tied up for a few days at a time... I could end up losing out on the whole three 

days. How do you feel about alternating?" 

"I don't see any problem with that. Shall we start from tomorrow?" For a moment Ray was expecting her to get out an engagement diary. 

"Sure. But I get him first. You had him last night." 

Ben was staring at them open mouthed. He pulled himself together. "Would you mind not discussing me as though I'm not here?" 

"Have you got any better suggestions, Ben?" Meg was all sweetness and light.. she was going to make Ben pay for this, Ray realised. He smothered a grin. 

*

Ray yelped indignantly. "Whaddaya mean you can't! This is my night to have you and I'm not wasting it, Benny." 

"But, Ray... we don't have to... not every night we're together, for God's sake." 

He had to hide a grin at the exasperation in Ben's voice. "Oh yeah? I bet you don't dare say that to Meg." 

Ben avoided Ray's eyes. "Well..." 

"Ya know Benny, I didn't think this was gonna work. But it's not such a bad idea after all." Ray grinned happily, enjoying his lover's discomfiture. 

"I must admit, Ray, I didn't expect it to be quite like this..." 

Ray looked at the shadows under Ben's eyes and felt no compunction whatsoever. "She's making your life hell, isn't she?" 

"Both of you are." Ben sounded sulky. 

"Well, that was quite a trick you pulled on us. What did you expect us to do?" 

Ben frowned at him. "It wasn't a trick, Ray. I love you, I want to be with you. It's not just about sex, but neither of you seem to realise that." 

"Oh, we know... but what did you think we're gonna do? Play happy families? Geez, Benny, just be glad I'm not calling her the Dragon Lady anymore." 

"Believe me, I am. But couldn't you try..." 

Ray interrupted impatiently. "Benny, I love you. Not her." 

Ben stroked Ray's cheek lightly. "I don't expect you to love Meg, but couldn't you try to be a friend? You've never given her a chance." 

"Yeah, well, she's never given me a chance either. Besides, who got you two talking, huh? And look what came out of that... Stupidest thing I ever did." He got a kiss on the lips for that. 

"Ray, I'll never forget what you did for us. But we have to live with this situation, and I think it would be much easier if you and Meg were able to... well, at least to socialise together." 

"Oh sure. I can really see her agreeing to that. What does she do to relax anyway? Dismember file clerks?" Ray rolled his eyes in mock terror. 

"Meg's quite fond of basketball, actually. Not the Bulls though... she supports the Toronto team, I can't remember the name." 

Ray snorted. "I'm not surprised." He looked at Ben suspiciously. "So where's this leading Benny?" 

"Meg mentioned that she's got tickets to the game this Sunday. And as it's my day off, so to speak, I thought we could all go together." 

"Your day off? Is that how you think of it?" 

Ben sighed. "That's what it's starting to feel like, Ray. Don't you think you've punished me enough?" 

Ray considered the question for about one second. "I dunno. Does Meg?" 

"Well, she's agreed to me inviting you to the game..." 

"How badly do you want me to go, Benny?" Ray looked at Ben speculatively. 

Ben sighed again. 

*

Ben leaned back against the stone wall and watched Meg and Ray... he wondered what they were arguing about this time. He didn't need to hear the words, their body language told him what was happening. He thought they were enjoying themselves, though. Strange as it seemed to him, they always got a kick out of these arguments. He even suspected they both started them deliberately. 

It had been his idea for them to go to the park with Dief and it had seemed a good idea at the time. There was a basketball court for Ray and horse hire for Meg, but Ray hadn't liked the horses and hadn't appreciated being beaten at basketball by both Ben and Meg... Ben grinned at the memory. By the time Ray had started to take Meg seriously as an opponent it was too late. He wouldn't make that mistake again. 

They'd been spending their Sundays together for several weeks now and as a result their rather unusual relationship was running much more smoothly. He'd always thought that if Meg and Ray could give up their mutual distrust, they'd get along well together, and now he'd been proved right. And it made him happy to see the two people he loved most becoming friends. 

*

"See, I told ya, you'd like it! Great, wasn't it?" Finally he'd gotten the two of them to agree to see the new Star Wars movie. Two hours of the best special effects he'd ever seen. And the only thing spoiling his complete enjoyment of it, was the suspicion that neither Ben nor Meg had the slightest idea what it was all about... Canadians! 

"It was most interesting, Ray..." 

"Great! So we'll go see part two next week?" Ray thought he saw Meg shudder, but she smiled gamely and nodded her agreement. 

Ben was more hesitant. "Well, Ray, it is my turn to..." His voice trailed off as he intercepted Meg's stare. "Oh! Oh, of course, Ray... wouldn't miss it. Where shall we go to eat?" 

"Well, there's this great new Italian place..." 

Meg interrupted. "Sorry, Ray. If I eat another pasta meal, I'm going to end up looking like the Goodyear blimp. How about sushi?" 

"Yeck! Raw fish? Is that what you call food? Besides..." Ray looked Meg up and down appreciatively. "You are never, and I mean never, gonna look like the Goodyear blimp. Is she Benny?" 

"What's the Goodyear blimp, Ray?" 

Ray groaned. 

They were still trying to decide on a place to go when they turned into Clark St, Ben wanting to go to The Loose Moose, Ray arguing strongly for any place serving either Italian or Chinese. Meg was holding out for decent food, but since neither of the men had any idea what she meant by "decent food", she wasn't getting very far. They stopped by the Riv to pick up Dief who, Ben assured them, had no preferences with regard to restaurants. 

They all broke into a run when they heard a woman's scream from further down the block. Halfway down the road they could see some figures struggling. Ray reached behind his back for the gun he was never without. "Police! Put your hands behind your head and face the wall." 

As usual, Ben was well ahead and when the figures scattered he took off after one running in the opposite direction, leaving Ray and Meg to deal with the remaining offender and the victim. The remaining mugger decided to break past them and cannoned into Meg. She grabbed at him, bringing him down heavily. Moments later he was handcuffed and on the ground with Dief standing over him. Meg tried to stand and cursed. 

"You OK, Meg?" Ray was bending over her. 

"I'm fine. A twisted ankle, that's all. Go after Ben, you know what a hero he is." She was already pulling out her cell phone to call the police. 

"Here." He shoved his backup gun into her hand and took off down the street. 

Five minutes later the police car arrived and there was still no sign of Ben or Ray. Gritting her teeth she hobbled in the direction they had both taken with Dief leading the way. He took her through a maze of side streets until she was totally lost, finally coming to a halt before an old stone warehouse. It was on fire. 

She reached for the cell phone again, her heart sinking. Dief was watching the warehouse, whining anxiously. "We don't know he's in there, boy. He wouldn't be that stupid, would he?" 

She knew the answer. He would. She swore under her breath and headed for the main door. If Ben could go in there, so could she. Dief suddenly rushed past her and through the doorway. 

In spite of the flames it was dark inside. Half blinded by the combination of smoke and the tears it caused, she tried to follow Dief, but lost him almost immediately. Calling out was pointless, the roar of the fire was deafening and within minutes her head was reeling from the lack of oxygen. She had no idea where she was. 

Without warning a figure loomed out of the smoke and she gasped out Ben's name, but as it came closer she saw the fire-fighter's uniform. A few moments later she was outside again, choking in the cool air. 

"My husband's in there!" She saw the looks they exchanged. "You've got to go back." 

"I'm sorry lady. If he's in there, he won't be coming out." 

She twisted in his arms to look back. Already the fire was much worse. He was right, nobody could be alive in there now. She saw Dief, his fur singed and blackened with soot, staring at the building. Where was Ray? He had a healthy regard for his own safety, would he have followed Ben into that inferno? In a heartbeat, she thought. Where Ben was concerned he wouldn't have hesitated. 

It was a relief, then, to see the tall lean figure come trotting out of an alley a few metres down the road. She strained her eyes trying to see Ben's more solid outline behind him, but there was nothing. Ray was staring at the warehouse in awe. She pulled away from the man who was holding her and ran, ignoring the pain in her ankle. 

"Ray!" He turned and held out his arms to catch her as she stumbled the last few paces. She didn't need to ask, he was looking over her shoulder for someone who wasn't there. 

"Meg, where's Benny? Did he get the guy?" 

"He's still in the warehouse." She couldn't say the rest. 

Ray turned to look at the blazing building and she saw his lips tighten. His body tensed against her hands and she grabbed a tight hold of his sweater as he started to pull away. "Ray, it's too late. You can't go in there." 

As if to underscore her words, a section of the roof fell in with a 

crash. 

*

Ray couldn't remember much of what happened after the roof fell in. He vaguely recalled being dragged off his knees and pushed, screaming, into the back seat of a car. Later he remembered being transferred to the Riv. The passenger seat. Benny's seat. He dropped his head in his hands and sobbed. 

The next thing he was aware of was Meg pushing him through a doorway and cursing him when he stopped halfway. It must be her apartment. He'd never been here before. 

"We gotta go back, Meg. We can't leave him there." 

She slapped him. Hard. "Stop it, Ray. He's dead, there's nothing we can do." 

For a moment he wanted to kill her. Then he saw the tear tracks through the dirt on her face. "Meg, please. We gotta go back. I don't know why, I just know we gotta go back." 

Meg's face softened. "We'll go back later. I promise. There's nothing we can do tonight." 

"Where's Dief?" He looked around wildly. 

"He wouldn't leave... Ray, I swear, I'll have you arrested if you try to go back now." 

He stopped by the door and leaned against it heavily. His head was spinning. Hands took him gently by the shoulders. Hands that, strong as they were, were too small... 

"Meg..." He buried his face in her hair and wept helplessly. 

*

Lukewarm water drizzled down over his face, and Ray simply stood and let it happen. Meg had told him to take a shower, so he'd done it, because it was easier than thinking for himself After a while he thought to soap himself and was surprised at the grime that came off his face and hands. What had he done to get like that? The thought passed from his mind almost instantly and he turned the water off and got out of the shower. 

There was a robe hanging on the heated railing. Benny's robe? He put it on and shivered. 

Meg was in the kitchen... he followed the sound of pans clattering. Something was burning, the acrid smell made him feel sick to his stomach. When he went into the kitchen he saw Meg standing by the range staring at a pan full of blackened eggs. 

He got the gas turned off and pulled her away while the air extractor did its work. The stink of smoke was all around her, she was even filthier than he'd been, he realised. 

"Meg, go take a shower. I'll clean up in here." 

She stared back at him, her mouth a hard line. "It's my kitchen. I'll take care of it." 

"You're filthy and you stink. Go take a shower." He turned her around and pushed her towards the door. 

By the time she came back, wearing a matching robe, he'd managed to scrape together a meal, mostly out of cans. They ate in silence and afterwards he couldn't have said what they'd had. He'd pulled himself together enough to realise that there was something badly wrong with Meg's behaviour. She'd cried a little, but hadn't let go the iron control that had enabled her to get them both back here. He reached across the table and took her hands. 

A memory stirred in the recesses of his mind. Another face, pale and full of pain. Another pair of hands, held across a table. Large, strong, gentle hands. 

He was crying again. It was beginning to seem like he'd be crying forever, that he would never be able to stop. Arms enfolded him and drew him against a slender body, warm and soft. Tiny, after the solid mass of Benny's body. He pushed himself out of the chair and stood with Meg in his arms, not sure what he was doing, but needing... Just needing... 

At first he wasn't even aware that he was kissing Meg, sensations and feelings were too blurred, unreal... suddenly his hands were touching her. Touching warm bare skin. He pulled back, shocked at his own actions, but Meg followed, pressing against him, needing as much as he. 

*

It was impossible. What had just happened between them was impossible. Ray turned his head and looked at Meg across the width of a few inches. She stared back at him, just as bewildered as he was. It was only a few hours since his best friend and lover had... even now, he couldn't admit it to himself... and here he was in bed with Benny's wife... his widow... 

Under his scrutiny Meg's lips began to tremble, her eyes filled with tears. He reached for her and cradled her in his arms while she cried. 

There was something very comforting about being able to hold her, to stroke her soft hair and rub her back in soothing circles. Even after Meg fell into an exhausted sleep, he couldn't bear the thought of releasing her. He wondered why it was so important to him. By the time Meg woke, startling in his arms like a wild thing, he thought he knew. She pulled away from him and he saw the same shock, the same doubt and guilt in her eyes that he'd felt himself. 

"Don't Meg. Don't feel bad about this... You're all of Benny that I have left, and I'm all that you have. Benny wouldn't deny us whatever comfort we can find." 

He saw her take in his words. Tears started in her eyes again, but gentle tears this time, not the soul wrenching sobs that had wracked her body earlier. When he reached for her, she came into his arms willingly. 

After Benny, he'd never thought he'd make love with a woman again. It was disconcerting to feel the delicacy of her jaw and cheek under his fingers, and when his hand moved downwards, the silken curve of her breast in his palm. He moaned softly and heard it echoed above his head. Her hands caressed his side, moving over his hip, sliding between their bodies and he cried out at the touch on his cock. How could he be so full and needy so quickly? But he was. 

He spent himself against her body almost immediately, and mumbled an incoherent apology against her breast before opening his mouth to suck gently at her nipple. It was what she wanted, it seemed. Meg gasped and drew his head closer, her body suddenly as urgent as his own had been. He cupped his hands around her buttocks as she shuddered against him. 

*

The first hint of dawn was showing between the curtains when Ray woke. It had been the longest night of his life, he thought and turned to look at Meg. She was still sleeping, thankfully... they'd both had far too little of that, spending the night in talking and crying and making love. He wondered if they'd ever spend another night together, or if they would move apart now that Benny was no longer there to keep them together. 

He felt a sense of panic at the thought. He suddenly realised he didn't want to lose her, and not only because of Benny. How long had he been denying that he was falling in love with Meg too? Would he ever have realised if Benny hadn't... 

Once again, he simply couldn't accept the thought. It wasn't the first time he'd faced death, why was it so impossible to even think the word in connection with Benny? He remembered suddenly, through the haze of pain and shock, that feeling he'd had last night. The feeling that they shouldn't have left the warehouse. Dief had stayed. Something was nagging at the back of his mind that wouldn't leave him in peace. 

Ray sat up, careful not to disturb Meg, and rubbed his hands over his face and head, trying to think. Something about the warehouse... 

"Oh my God!" He grabbed Meg's shoulder and shook it. "Oh my God! Meg, we've gotta go back! Wake up... we gotta go back." 

Meg blinked up at him, startled into protest, but he was already rolling away from her, off the edge of the bed. 

"Where's my clothes for God's sake?" He floundered, searching for clothes that weren't there. 

"Ray what's the matter with you? What time is it?" 

Ray turned back to the bed and grabbed her by the shoulders. "Where's my clothes dammit?" He was shouting. 

"I put them in the laundry, they're filthy. What are you doing?" Meg slid out of the bed and pulled on her robe. 

Ray stuck his head out of her closet. "I need some clothes! Did Benny leave any here?" 

The name struck her dumb. She pointed silently to the other closet. Ray came over and kissed her hard, then flung himself towards the closet, talking as he went. 

"I knew there was something. But I didn't know what it was, see? The warehouse. It made me think of something... couldn't figure it out, but I knew..." He came out with an armful of Ben's clothes. "Underwear?" 

"In the second drawer." 

Ray ransacked the drawer. "It was St Fortunata's... the school, you know? Benny ever tell you about that?' He paused, looking up at her in sudden doubt. "Oh God, we might be too late. Get dressed, Meg, there's no time to waste." 

"Ray, what are you talking about?" 

He was pulling on the jeans. "The warehouse... it was like St Fortunata's... the same contractor." 

"So?" She hadn't moved. 

He came over and grabbed her arms and shook her. "The vaults! Under the school! Deep. Thick stone walls. Benny would have known that..." His voice trailed away, his eyes pleaded with her. 

She couldn't bring herself to destroy his fragile hope. "I'll get dressed. Ben's boots are over there. You'll need them." 

*

Dief was still there when they arrived at the warehouse site. He greeted them anxiously, whining and urgent. Ray bent over him for a moment. 

"It's OK, boy. We know. Can you find him Dief?" 

Dief gave a small whuff and dived into the half-destroyed building. Ray would have plunged after him, but Meg caught his arm. "It's too dangerous, Ray. The rest of the building could come down anytime. And it's still hot." 

"Look, give me half an hour, then call the Fire Department or something. If we try to get them to help it could take hours... or they might just refuse. Who's gonna believe Benny might still be alive down there?" 

Meg bit her lip. "I'll give you ten minutes. Then I'll call 911. And then I'm coming in after you." 

He saw from her face that she wasn't going to be talked out of it. He leaned over and kissed her hard and then turned away. Meg watched until he disappeared into the building, her heart pounding already, and took a note of the time. Ten minutes exactly, she wouldn't give him a second longer, the thought of losing Ray too was more than she could stand. 

*

The stench of burnt timber and God knew what else was nearly enough to make her sick, and the going underfoot was treacherous... wet and slippery as hell. In the end, Meg hadn't even mentioned Ben to the Fire Department, she'd just said that her companion had heard someone calling for help and had gone into the warehouse and hadn't come out... that ought to get them moving. 

It was eerily quiet in the building, just the sounds of water dripping and overheated timbers creaking as they slowly cooled. Surprisingly, there small pockets of normality where the fire had hardly touched. Maybe there was a chance that Ray might be right... She called out Ray's name and heard an answering hail from the left. Then Dief appeared beside her and led her to him. 

"I think I might be on to something... look!" Ray was incredibly filthy, but he grinned as he indicated what might be a trapdoor set into the floor. "The floor back here is stone. If Benny got down here..." 

She helped him move away some of the larger pieces of timber that he hadn't been able to move on his own. They were scrabbling in the dirt like a pair of urchins when the sirens outside indicated that their rescuers had arrived. Within minutes the fire fighters had located them and were trying to get them to leave. 

Ray simply ignored them, continuing to clear away the debris, while Meg first explained then argued with them. At least as long as they were arguing, Ray could get on with his task. Finally one of the men went over to Ray and spoke to him quietly. Whatever he said, it wasn't good. Watching out of the corner of her eye she saw Ray turn away, his whole body stiffening. When he turned back he looked quite ill. 

"Meg, why don't you wait outside? I'll bring Benny out." His eyes wouldn't quite meet hers. 

"What did he say to you, Ray?" 

"Nothing. It's dangerous in here, and you don't need to stay, these guys have agreed to help." 

She put her hand on his arm. "Ray, please." 

He looked at her at last. "They said that even if Benny got down into the vault, chances are the heat will have killed him." 

"I know that, Ray. We both knew that." 

His eyes filled with tears. "It's worse than that. Don't make me tell you Meg." 

She had a pretty good idea of what they'd told him. She put her arms around him for a moment, resting her cheek against his. It would be easier for Ray, she knew, if she did as he asked. 

"All right, I'll wait outside." She touched his cheek gently, and watched as he turned back to the trapdoor. 

*

Sitting on a filthy box, across the road from the warehouse, Meg felt like she'd been waiting forever. She knew she was no good at this. No matter what was waiting inside, she would rather have been in there, doing something. It had been nearly forty minutes now, surely it wouldn't be much longer... 

Finally, there was a stirring. Dief came trotting out of the doorway. She stood, her eyes trying to make sense of the shadows moving inside. Then a figure appeared... Ray. Before she could make him out clearly he called her name. Just the tone of it told her all she needed to know. She couldn't move. Ray walked towards her with Ben slung across his shoulder and called her name again. The sound released her from her shock and she started toward him. 

"Help me!" Ray gasped the words out as his knees buckled, and she put her hands up to help ease Ben off his shoulder. She went down with them, helping to cushion Ben's landing and heard a faint gasp from him. Ray recovered quickly, lifting Ben up against his chest, holding him tightly. They were both indescribably filthy. Ben's lashes stirred and then lifted slightly, and her heart began to thud painfully against her ribs. 

The next few minutes were a blur. Someone came over to tell them an ambulance was on its way but none of them responded, too absorbed in each other to care about anything else. Ben was barely conscious and his breathing was laboured. Meg finally was able to reach out and touch his sweaty cheek, to brush back damp curls from his forehead. Ray's face was buried in the filthy hair and she put her other hand against his cheek. 

At that he lifted his head to look at her, his eyes huge and luminous in the blackened face. 

"He was in a small room, down in the tunnels... the walls were incredibly thick, solid stone. That's all that saved him... it was so hot down there, like an oven, but the walls saved him..." He caught his breath on a sob. "There was another trapdoor... he didn't have the strength to get it open again, and he was nearly out of air... Another half hour maybe, before he suffocated... if it hadn't been for Dief..." 

"It's over Ray. You were right, and you saved his life..." Meg leaned forward and put her arms around them both, sandwiching Ben's body between herself and Ray. 

*

By the time the ambulance had arrived Ben was already looking a little better. His breathing had improved and he was more alert, enough, at least, for them to get some fluids into him. When both Ray and Meg insisted on taking him home the paramedics, after checking him over, agreed. Heat exhaustion, shock and dehydration was the diagnosis, nothing that they couldn't deal with at home for a young and healthy man. With Meg on one side and Ray on the other, he was even able to walk, very unsteadily, to the Riv. 

They left Dief with Willie. Neither of them was going to have the time to deal with him... he was filthy and hungry and they both needed all their strength for Ben. When they reached Meg's apartment they took Ben straight to the bathroom. He and Ray were too filthy for words to describe, Meg was only slightly better. She went to the bath and turned the taps on. 

"Get Ben in here, it'll be easier than trying to clean him up in the shower..." She eyed the large bath. "You'd better get in with him, it would be a pity if he drowned after all this." 

She started to laugh helplessly and Ray joined in, the laughter becoming slightly hysterical before they were able to control themselves. 

"What about you, Meg?" 

"I'll have a shower. Then we'd better get him to bed." 

They both looked at Ben, slumped half unconscious in the kitchen chair they'd got for him. He was too big for either of them to handle very easily, especially when he was limp as a wrung-out dishrag. Meg sighed and started unbuttoning his shirt while Ray tried to untangle his bootlaces. 

Finally the two men were stripped and Meg helped Ray to guide Ben into the bath. Ray got in after him and Meg was free to get out of her filthy, uncomfortable clothes and step into the shower. It was heaven to feel the hot water on her skin, to smell of soap and shampoo instead of sweat and smoke. She couldn't hear a thing from the other two, even when she turned the water off. 

Wrapping herself in the soft comfort of her robe, she went to check on them. They were both more or less clean, and both just about asleep. Ray had a firm grip on Ben though, holding him against his shoulder, with an arm wound tightly around him. She knelt beside the bath, just looking for a moment, happy to have them both alive and well. 

"Ray." She touched his arm and he started slightly. 

"Huh? Oh, sorry..." He glanced at Ben, still oblivious. "Hey, Benny... come on, time to get you to bed." 

Ben mumbled something. He'd hardly spoken since Ray had brought him out of the warehouse, too exhausted to be really aware of what was happening to him. 

It was more of a challenge to get Ben out of the bath, but they managed it in the end and Meg left Ray to dry him off and bring him back through to the bedroom. She got back just as Ray finished pulling the covers over Ben. 

"Here Ben, drink this before you go to sleep. The paramedic said you needed plenty of fluids." 

Ray helped him sit up and Ben accepted the mug from her. As he sipped from it obediently, Ray wrinkled his nose. "What is it?" 

"Camomile tea. He insists on keeping some here." She made a face, and they both laughed, more relaxed this time than before. 

The mug was starting to tilt sideways as Ben succumbed again. Ray rescued it and passed it over to Meg then eased Ben down into the bedding. She took the mug back to the kitchen and when she returned Ray was sitting on the edge of the bed stroking Ben's hair. There was such tenderness in the gesture that it made her throat tighten uncomfortably. 

She hadn't really thought about what would happen next. All morning she'd been dealing with each moment as it happened. She went to stand behind Ray and put her hand on his shoulder. He stood then, turning to take her into his arms and hold her close. 

"We got him back, Meg..." 

"Yes... we did." She kissed him gently on the mouth and for a moment they lost themselves in it. Then Ray drew back, glancing back towards the bed. She saw the neediness in his face. "Why don't you stay with him? I can sleep on the couch." 

Ray looked back at her. "Why don't we both stay with him? He needs us both. And if you're feeling the way I am, you won't wanna let him out of your sight." 

She had to admit he was right. The need to touch Ben, to continually reassure herself that he was safe was almost overwhelming. She slipped out of Ray's arms and went around to the other side of the bed. By the time she'd shed her robe, Ray was already curled up against Ben's side. She lifted the covers and slid into the bed. Ray's hand reached across Ben's body to touch her cheek and wipe away the tears that clung to her lashes. 

*

Ray woke with a shock, his disoriented mind not able to understand what had woken him at first. After a moment he realised it had only been a dream. He relaxed into the comfortable mattress with a sigh. A couple of heartbeats later he turned his head to check on Ben. Still there... really there, alive. He rolled onto his side and touched his lover's face lightly, just to make sure. 

Impossibly thick, dark lashes fluttered slightly and lifted a fraction. A faint, tired smile curved the perfect lips. 

"Benny." The faintest hint of a whisper... 

Ben's eyes opened a little wider, fixed on him. Nothing else in the world existed in that moment... Ray leaned forward and touched his lips to Ben's. He didn't really expect a response, but he got one, just a slight movement against him. He cupped his palm against Ben's cheek and deepened the kiss. 

Unexpectedly, heat rushed through his body. He'd thought he'd be too tired to feel this way, but he'd been wrong. Ben, too, was responding, pressing against him, aroused, need fighting exhaustion and winning. Ray enfolded the solid body in his arms and moved slowly against him, oblivious to everything but the feel of that sweet, familiar tumescence against his own. He rolled onto his back, drawing Ben on top of him and Ben buried his head in the hollow of Ray's throat and began to move in a slow sensuous rhythm. He moaned softly, arching his body up against his lover, running his hands down the broad back to Ben's butt, enjoying the feel of the muscles bunching under his hands. 

Ben's lips were trailing languidly down his chest, searching blindly until he captured a nipple and began to suck sleepily. Ray moaned again, his head turning to the side. He nearly jumped out of his skin at the sight of Meg, only a few feet away and mercifully asleep. It wasn't that he'd forgotten her, exactly, she'd just... slipped his mind. He tried to lift Ben's head, to warn him, but Ben clung to him and moaned, too loud. 

"Oh Ray... love me..." Ben's eyes fastened on his, heavy with desire. 

"Shh... Benny-love, quiet..." He turned to look at Meg again and found her wide-eyed and flushed, looking at them. 

This time Ben realised. Ray heard his indrawn breath, and then he was completely still. Only their beating hearts seemed capable of movement for long seconds, then Meg moved. 

"It's all right. I'll leave you two alone..." She pushed herself up on her elbow, ready to leave. 

"Don't go." Ray was as shocked as either of the other two, the words seemed to have left his mouth without him willing it. He heard Ben's wordless protest, saw Meg's eyes widen, but he knew he'd been right to say it. He reached over and took hold of Meg's hand. "I want you to know what it's like for us... I know what it's like for you and Benny to make love, but you don't know about us. It doesn't seem right, somehow." 

Meg's eyes hardened for a moment, no doubt wondering if he was referring to their love-making. But it wasn't that, and he thought she realised it. She flushed suddenly. "I'm not stupid, or ignorant. I have a pretty good idea what you do." 

"But you don't know." He emphasised the last word. 

"No... I don't know." Meg thought it over. "Are you sure about this? ...Ben?" 

Ray felt Ben's hesitation. He waited. Finally, Ben pulled his eyes away from Meg's face to look down at him for a long, considering inspection. "I trust Ray. If he's sure it's right, I'll accept that." 

Immediately, Ray began to have doubts, but Ben, now that he'd decided, obviously saw no reason to delay. He kissed Ray softly on the mouth, parting his lips with his tongue. Ray was drawn into the kiss without any conscious volition of his own. With the last of his outside awareness he felt Meg's hand squeeze his slightly and then release it. 

There was nothing now, but Ben's body moving against his, Ben's tongue hot and urgent in his mouth, Ben's skin under his roaming fingers. He slid a finger, gently probing, between Ben's cheeks and heard his hoarse gasp. It proved too much for an exhausted body to bear... the hot gush of fluid between their bodies signalled the end, for Ben at least. Ray was still painfully unsatisfied. 

He cradled Ben's head against his shoulder, as his lover moaned his disappointment and regret, the breath burning his skin. There was a remedy, of course, and Ray gently reversed their positions, rolling Ben onto his back, sliding on top of him. They'd done this less than a handful of times, but now there was no uncertainty. He parted Ben's thighs, slipping easily between them. 

Ben was aware enough to cooperate, drawing his legs up to accommodate him. He was tight and aching with need, his cockhead coated with Ben's semen and his own abundant juices. That would have to do as a lubricant. With a desperate care, he positioned himself against Ben's anus and pushed into the depths of his body. 

For a moment, so intense were the sensations, he didn't dare move. Ben's body tightened around his cock and all the air seemed to leave his lover's lungs in a long heartwrenching groan. He'd never loved Ben more than he did at this moment, seeing him so completely vulnerable. Ray lowered his head against Ben's chest with a sob, unable to continue. He couldn't quite reach Ben's mouth, and Ben was in no condition to help. He satisfied himself with exploring the strong column of his throat, slowly drawing his tongue across the sensitive hollow at the base. 

He began to move his hips in a slow fluid dance, feeling the wonderful responsiveness of Ben's body against his own. Ben too, began to rock his body to the gentle rhythm Ray had started. It was so profound a communion that Ray could hardly bear it... he hadn't realised he was crying until he began sucking lovingly at a salt flavoured nipple. Their soft moans and whispered endearments drew them on, closer and closer... Ben had come hard again between their bodies and Ray knew that neither of them was likely to last much longer. He shuddered and began to thrust, still gently... it wouldn't take much now to tip them over. 

Ben cried out, a sound of utter abandonment, and trembled, his cock surging against Ray's belly then subsiding almost instantly, but it was all Ray needed. He shuddered, his cock pulsing urgently in the hot tightness of Ben's body, and slumped across his chest utterly exhausted. His face was pressed into the hollow of Ben's shoulder and for a moment all he was aware of was the frantic beating of his heart. Ben was completely limp beneath him. Ray turned his head with an effort, caught a glimpse of a slender pale shoulder... Meg. 

Once again, he'd forgotten her completely, lost in the intensity of making love with Ben. His heart seemed to stop for a second, he'd never have gone this far with Ben if he'd remembered her presence... He lifted his head to look at her and felt Ben move sluggishly. Her cheeks were flushed, her eyes were huge, but Meg didn't seem to be upset. 

"That was... beautiful... Thank you, both of you." She moved closer, kissing him, then Ben. 

Ray watched as Ben deepened the kiss, sliding his fingers into the dark hair. He wondered if he ought to be jealous, but the feeling simply wasn't there. He began to stroke Meg's shoulder lightly and realised that she was trembling. Maybe he should just get out of there... but somehow, he had the feeling that Ben wasn't going to be a lot of help to her. Slowly, he drew his fingers down to touch her breast and she moaned softly and pressed against his hand. 

He was still lying across Ben's body, but that seemed to make it easier for him to do this. He ran his tongue over a tight nipple, and began to suck gently. The tremors increased immediately and Meg pressed against them, her legs parting to wrap around Ben's thigh. Still he hesitated, but she began a soft continuous moaning that he couldn't ignore, his hand crept down her body, ready to stop at any sign that his touch was unwanted. 

Ray glanced up and saw that they'd stopped kissing, Ben's face was flushed and drowsy, his eyes almost closed, but he summoned up a smile ...Meg was lost in sensation, her head flung back, staring up at the ceiling. He felt the soft tickle of hair against his palm, then the moistness of her labia. Meg shuddered again, crying out incoherently, and pushed urgently against his fingers. He moved them in a gentle caress, feeling for the nub, warm and sensually throbbing. It only took a moment, she was so ready. The powerful contractions shook her, prolonged surges that seemed to go on forever. 

When it was over, Ray planted a lingering kiss on her lips and then moved away, sliding off Ben's body. They shifted lazily, each searching for a comfortable position, and finally settled in a warm tangled heap. 

*

Waking again, too soon, Ray lay still, letting the events of the last few hours seep slowly into his consciousness. Finding Ben in that hellish place and bringing him out. Holding onto him as if his own life depended on it. Making love to him. And Meg. God, Meg holding him last night. Meg there in the bed with them, watching them. The three of them. Together. 

It ought to shock him, what they'd done, but it didn't. Ben was as much a part of him as his own body and it felt right that Meg had become a part of that. And he loved her too. Not as much as he loved Ben, perhaps, but enough... 

They were still sleeping. Ben was looking much better and he was breathing easily. He laid a hand lightly on the pale chest and watched as it rose and fell with reassuring regularity. Meg looked tiny against Ben's side, her face defenceless in sleep, not at all the prickly, defensive woman he was used to. Lately, once she'd begun to let her defences down, he'd started to see another side of her, surprisingly warm and caring. They'd both come a long way... 

He was beginning to feel a little restless. Rather than wake them both, he decided to get out of bed. Maybe have another shower... his body was rich with the scent of their lovemaking. Not that he minded it, but he might as well wash it off sooner rather than later. 

The shower was wonderful. He turned it up full blast and let it scour him, soaping himself luxuriously and resisting the urge to sing at the top of his voice. The only cloud on his horizon was the niggling doubts about what would happen when things started getting back to normal. If you could call anything about their lives normal... But he wondered what Meg would think now of what they'd done, and how she felt about him. 

What if she didn't want to continue? If she didn't want him? He hesitated in his soaping... he didn't want to go back to sharing Ben on alternative days. He didn't want to lose Meg. As if his thoughts had called her, she slipped into the shower beside him and he grinned at her like an idiot. 

*

Meg wasn't quite sure why she'd joined Ray in the shower, though it was wonderfully relaxing to lean against him while he soaped her back, gently massaging out the residual tension. God, he had gifted hands. She blushed suddenly, remembering where his hands had touched her last, but right now he wasn't doing anything a friend or brother wouldn't do. 

The water was starting to cool a little, and they rinsed off and got out. She shrugged into her robe and tied it around her waist, turning back to Ray as she did it. He was wrapping a towel around his waist and his face was completely unguarded. He looked at her, his face unwontedly serious. 

"Ray? What's wrong?" 

He smiled at her, rather sadly, she thought. "Nothing's wrong, Meg." 

She went over to him, putting her arms around him and he lowered his face close to hers and waited. 

It was a sweet, gentle kiss, but the sense of something being wrong increased. Meg drew back, raising her hand to his cheek. His eyes were beautiful, grey-green pools of sadness. She kissed him again and his arms went around her waist. His skin was warm and smooth under her hands, still slightly damp as she stroked up and down his spine. 

"Tell me, Ray." 

He sighed, his breath stirring her hair. "I love you, Meg." 

It took a moment for the words to sink in. Carefully, she separated from him and studied his face. She'd never expected this... only a few months ago they'd been closer to hate than love, but so much had happened since then. 

He'd brought Ben back to her, for a start. In fact, considering what had happened next, he'd behaved remarkably well about it all. It had been a revelation to get to know Ray as a friend, she'd even begun to understand what Ben saw in him. When he gave his friendship, he didn't hold anything back... And last night... Last night, he'd held her and given her what comfort he could and made love to her with such tenderness. Today he'd brought Ben back from the dead, almost literally... she knew she would never forget the sight of him carrying Ben out of that warehouse. She hadn't believed for a moment that Ben could have survived that inferno, she'd only gone along with him because she knew he'd do it on his own if need be. If it hadn't been for Ray's faith, Ben would be dead by now. 

He'd shared himself with her in a way she'd never imagined, letting her be a part of his love for Ben. For that alone she ought to love him... she doubted she could have been so generous.. 

Ray was turning away, shrugging. "Don't worry, Meg, I'll get over it." 

"And if I don't want you to get over it?" 

He turned back to her, his face suddenly very vulnerable. "What are you saying, Meg?" 

She didn't know how to answer him. Instead she caught him around the waist and pulled him against her, his slenderness making it easier than it would have been with Ben. He kissed her hungrily and she found herself responding instinctively. She smiled against his mouth and slipped the towel free. 

*

Coffee was the most wonderful thing ever invented, Ray thought, as he inhaled the scent deeply... and this was really good coffee. It cut through the fog of tiredness and emotional exhaustion and kick started his brain. The caffeine helped too, he supposed. Trouble was, now that he was starting to think, he didn't really like the direction his thoughts were taking... 

He looked across the kitchen counter at Meg, similarly engrossed in her coffee cup, and looking equally pensive. 

"What are we gonna tell him, Meg?" 

She sighed. "We have to tell him the truth, Ray. Besides, he's hardly in any position to object... after all, he's the one who started all this." 

He grinned suddenly. "Yeah. Serves him right if he doesn't like it, huh?" 

"Let's just call it poetic justice." Meg smiled, a faint, slightly malicious smile. 

They lapsed back into silence for a while, but something was obviously on Meg's mind. Finally Ray took the bait. "What is it, Meg?" 

She looked at him doubtfully. "I was just wondering... I mean, I never had you pegged for..." 

When she didn't continue, he finished the sentence for her. "Sleeping with another man?" She nodded. "Well, you were right. But Benny just isn't like other men... but I guess you've noticed that." 

Meg laughed. It was a soft rich sound. Very nice. "Oh, I've noticed. But I admit I'm curious... do you mind?" 

"Nah." Ray shrugged. "It was the day I got back to Chicago." He saw Meg's eyes widen. "Didn't he even tell you that?" 

"He said a gentleman never discusses things like that." She rolled her eyes. 

"That figures." Ray paused, remembering. "It was real early... I went to see him and he was still in bed. He looked pretty miserable, but he wouldn't tell me why. I hugged him. And then he kissed me." 

His voice trailed off. He thought that he'd remember that first kiss as long as he lived. "Things kinda went from there... It wasn't till afterwards I saw the wedding ring. I kinda freaked at first, but then when he told me what'd happened..." He shrugged. "How did it happen with you?" 

"Pretty much the same, actually. After you left Chicago, Ben was very unhappy. One night I found him hanging around the Consulate. Trying to find an excuse not to go home, I think. We went out for a coffee and got talking, ended up going to a movie together. I felt sorry for him, let my guard down, I guess... I hadn't wanted to get involved with a subordinate, but suddenly, there I was dating him..." 

"What went wrong, Meg?" 

She gave him a small, tight smile. "I think you've got a pretty good idea. We couldn't talk to each other. Both of us are... reserved, used to being alone. The more Ben held back, the more hurt I felt, so I withdrew too. It just kept getting worse and I didn't know how to stop it." 

He reached over and took her hand lightly and she relaxed a little. "It got to the point where I could only get a response from him by yelling at him... that's when I asked him to leave." 

*

He lay still, trying to impose some kind of coherence on the tangled skein of images and memories, without much success. He knew he'd slept for some time, but he still felt exhausted, his body aching, his head pounding... and his mouth tasted foul. There was a faint sound and he opened his eyes reluctantly. 

Meg was standing in the doorway, wearing her RCMP sweats, looking tired. She smiled at him and came over to sit on the edge of the bed reaching out a hand to stroke his hair. That was rather pleasant and he sighed, closing his eyes briefly. When he opened them again, she was gone. He frowned. Surely he hadn't been sleeping again? But then she was in the doorway again, a mug in her hands. 

"Here, Ben. Drink this." 

He sat up, pulling a few pillows behind him, and took the mug. It was camomile, his favourite, though he usually didn't sweeten it as Meg had. She probably thought he needed it. She was probably right... He realised suddenly that he was very thirsty. He finished the tea rapidly. 

"Thanks Meg, that was very nice." 

"Would you like another one? You need to drink plenty of fluids, Ben." 

"Well, actually... I need to..." He flushed slightly, embarrassed at his own weakness. He didn't think he'd make it to the bathroom on his own. 

Meg grinned. "Do you want a hand?" 

He blushed even more deeply. "I wouldn't put it quite like that." 

She laughed and he couldn't keep from smiling. "I'll try to spare your modesty as much as possible, Ben." She passed him his robe. 

When they got to the bathroom, though, he was still feeling rather inhibited. 

"I swear, Ben, I'm not looking." Meg was cheerfully impatient. 

"I know. I can't help it. I'm sorry." 

"Don't apologise. It's your problem, not mine." She hesitated. "When you were a boy, did you tease the girls about not being able to pee standing up?" 

"No. Why?" He was rather startled by the question. 

"That figures. Some of the boys at my school did. It made me really mad." 

She didn't sound mad, so he ventured a cautious enquiry. "What did you do?" 

"I taught myself to pee standing up." Her voice was gleeful. "Then I showed them I could do it too." 

He choked with laughter. "What did they think of that, Meg?" 

"They told me they could write their names in the dirt. I never managed that. You finished now?" 

"I believe so. Thank you." 

Meg pulled him around, sliding her hands under the robe. "My pleasure, love." They kissed slow and deep while he leaned against her, gathering his strength for the return trip. 

It was a relief to allow Meg to take his robe and sink back into the bed. He closed his eyes and wrapped his arm around Meg when she lay down beside him, turning his head to breathe in the scent of her shampoo. 

"Meg? Wasn't Ray here too?" 

"Mmm. He had a few things to do, and he was going to pick up Dief. He'll be back in a while." 

"Did we..." He didn't know how to ask what he wanted to know. Do it the wrong way and he'd probably end up with a black eye. He opened his eyes to see Meg grinning at him. He blushed. 

"It's OK, Ben. Ray and I have talked about it. But I think we should wait until he gets back, don't you?" She kissed him again. 

He sighed and relaxed against her, content to drowse lazily in her company. 

*

It wasn't very long before Ray arrived back. His entrance was heralded by the scent of Chinese cooking and the arrival of a large, white, cedar-scented wolf on the bed. 

Ben dealt with Dief's enthusiastic greeting as best he could and eventually Dief settled on the bed beside him, watching over him protectively, much to Meg's amusement, and for once she made no comment on Dief's presence on the bed. 

Ray breezed in with the cartons of food while Meg went in search of plates and forks. Ray perched on the other side of the bed and leaned forward to steal a brief kiss. "You're looking a helluva lot better now Benny. How you feeling?" 

"I'm fine, Ray. Just a little sore and tired." 

Ray shook his head. "You're incredible, you know that? Only you could run into a burning building and come out without even being singed. I was surprised you even got dirty." 

"Well, Ray..." 

Ray shut him up with another kiss. "Just don't do it again, huh Benny? I don't want to go through another night like last night." 

He'd lost his joking manner and Ben could hear the pain in his voice. He drew Ray back down for another kiss, slow and gentle, and felt him tremble slightly. They parted when Meg came back and the two of them busied themselves dishing out the food, putting a large plateful on the floor for Dief who abandoned the bed with no sign of regret. 

They ate in a comfortable silence. Ben was already tiring again and feeling rather annoyed with himself at his own weakness. He knew better than to mention it to either of his lovers though. And that thought brought his mind back to the memory he could only half believe, but which Meg had confirmed was correct. 

Suddenly the silence didn't seem quite so comfortable anymore. Ben glanced up from his plate and caught Ray watching him rather broodingly... Meg was watching both of them. It was finally she who broke the silence. 

"I think we need to talk." Her voice was brisk, businesslike. 

Ray flinched and Ben tried not to look like a guilty schoolboy. Even now, when Meg spoke in that voice, something inside him tried to stand to attention in his best parade ground manner. 

Ray swallowed nervously. "Yeah... uh, Benny? There's something we oughta tell you. About last night..." 

Last night? Didn't he mean this morning? Ben tried a shaky smile. "We were all a bit... overwrought, Ray. I don't think we should..." His voice trailed off at the look on Ray's face. 

"Whaddaya mean, we? You weren't even here!" Then Ray flushed. With that lovely olive skin of his it was quite an entrancing sight, but Ben was becoming totally mystified. Ray stared helplessly at Meg. 

She looked like she was enjoying herself. "Ben, Ray wasn't referring to what happened this morning." She flushed slightly at the memory of that and her smile became slightly dreamy for a moment. "Last night, when we thought you were dead, Ray and I..." 

Ray interrupted her. "It was all my fault, Benny. I went to pieces and Meg was just trying to help. Things just kinda got out of control... we didn't mean to do it." 

Meg's smile disappeared rather suddenly. "And what's your excuse for this afternoon, Vecchio? You hadn't had a coffee in over three hours?" 

Ben sighed, he thought the truce between Ray and Meg had been too good to last. "This afternoon? Will one of you please tell me what on earth you're both talking about?" 

They both looked at him guiltily. Things were starting to add up in his mind, but he couldn't quite believe the total they were coming to. 

Ray shifted uncomfortably under his stare. "We made love, OK? We made love last night and again this afternoon. But it's my fault, not Meg's. I wanted it." 

Ben watched, fascinated, as Meg reached across him to take Ray's hand in hers. "We both wanted it, Ben. At first because we both thought we'd lost you... and then because we'd found each other." 

His head was spinning. If there was one thing in the world he had never expected to happen it was this. Still... a small pleased smile started on his lips, almost without him realising it and rapidly developed into a grin. Meg and Ray? Something told him this was going to be... interesting. 

*

The cell phone rang, and Ray smothered a sigh. "Vecchio." 

"Hey gorgeous, doing anything for dinner tonight?" 

He grinned. The sultry voice could only belong to one person. Meg. "What're you offering?" 

"Candlelit dinner... Romantic music... Just the three of us..." 

He thought he heard a stifled giggle. "Is Benny there now? What are you two up to?" 

"Nothing, Ray." Meg's voice was all innocence. "Make sure you wear something nice. Seven o'clock suit you?" 

"Seven will be fine." He could hear an urgent whispered consultation. "What's going on, Meg?" 

"Ben just said you should come as Detective Armani. Do you know what he's talking about?" 

That was one of the few suits he had that Benny hadn't ruined for him. Yet. "Yeah. I know. I'll be there... this better not be some practical joke." 

He stared thoughtfully at the phone for a while after he'd hung up. It was just over three weeks since Ben had almost died and they'd changed from being an eternal triangle to a... menage a trois, he supposed was the term for it. They were still coming to terms with what that meant for them, and it had been quite the rollercoaster ride. It certainly looked like Benny and Meg were up to something, though... He spent the rest of the day wondering what it was. 

*

He turned up, on time, and in the pearl grey Armani suit he'd been wearing the first time he'd met Ben. He shifted the huge bunch of roses, carnations and greenery to one arm so he could ring the doorbell then almost dropped it at the sight of Meg in a Mountie Red velvet dress when she opened the door. 

"Wow! Meg, you look stunning." 

She faked a curtsey. "Thank you kindly, Ray. Are you coming inside?" 

He pulled himself together long enough to walk into the apartment. Meg shut the door behind him and drew him into a long kiss. He co-operated enthusiastically, felt another pair of lips touch the nape of his neck, a warm, familiar hand on his back, and turned to bestow an equally enthusiastic kiss on Ben's willing mouth. 

Ben was wearing his dress reds... the two of them made a fairy-tale couple and for just a moment he wondered why the hell either of them would so much as look at him. But they were looking at him, and with such an expression of love on their faces there wasn't room for any further doubts in his mind. He suddenly remembered the flowers in his hand, luckily still undamaged, and held them out. 

Ben took them. "They're beautiful, Ray... just perfect for the table. I'll get a vase." 

Ray grinned at Meg. "Geez, you've even got him housetrained. How'd you do that?" 

"Trade secret." She smiled at him smugly as she led him through into the dining area. 

*

The dinner was delicious. Even after a lifetime of his Ma's cooking, Ray could not have found anything to fault in it, if he had tried. And it was just as romantic as Meg had promised. Champagne. His flowers. Candles and candelabra. Snowy linen and gleaming silver. They were up to something all right... 

Still, he fell captive to the atmosphere and the good food and the wine... so it was a remarkably mellow Ray who pushed away his plate and looked at his lovers with an elegant tilting of his left eyebrow. "So what's happening here? Benny? Meg?" 

Ben was looking a little nervous, his tongue flickering over his bottom lip. "Uh, Ray... we haven't had dessert yet. Wouldn't you like some?" 

"Yes, I would, Benny. After you tell me what's going on." 

"Don't you trust us Ray?" Meg was smiling. A real "cat who's got the cream" smile. 

"Nope. Not at all." 

Meg frowned slightly. She exchanged a look with Ben. "Maybe we shouldn't go ahead, Ben. If Ray's not sure about us..." 

Ben's inarticulate objection was drowned by his own, more vocal, protest. "Oh no you don't. I'm not leaving till you tell me." 

"And this is supposed to be an inducement, Vecchio? What if we don't want you to leave?" 

He stared at her frustratedly. She stared back, a blandly superior smile on her face. Impasse. 

Ben finally intervened. "Meg. Stop teasing him. What's got into you? We discussed how we were going to do this, remember?" 

To his delight, Meg blushed and looked a little ashamed of herself. Wisely, he didn't comment, he just looked at Ben enquiringly. 

"We... that is, Meg and I... well, we discussed... that is to say we..." 

Ray sighed, one of Ben's explanations, when he was in this kind of state, could take the best part of half an hour. Meg obviously shared his exasperation. 

"Ben! Would you just let me say it?" She waited for his relieved nod. "Ray... we were talking about us. The three of us, I mean... and we thought... Ben and I, that is..." 

Ray groaned and put his head in his hands. 

"Ray." It was Ben's voice this time. 

Ray looked up. Ben was getting something out of his pocket and holding it out to him. A small jewellers box. He took it, wondering what on earth it was all about, and flipped open the lid. Inside was a plain gold ring, just like the ones they both wore. 

"We know it can never be official, Ray. But we want you to have this. We want you to be an equal partner." 

He hardly heard Ben's voice. His fingers, holding the box, were trembling. His vision blurred suddenly and he blinked. Then he flipped the lid closed. 

"I can't..." He could hardly hear his own voice. He swallowed and tried again. "Meg, Benny... I can't. If I wear this, people are gonna start asking questions none of us can afford to answer." 

He put the box down on the table in front of him, closing his eyes briefly. When he looked up again Ben was looking at him, concern and love on his face. Meg too. She reached over to take his hand. 

"Ray, we know that. But you can wear it when we're alone together. You can wear it here. If that's what you want." 

He hadn't even thought of that. He managed to dredge up a smile. "Yes. I want that." 

They were both suddenly wreathed in smiles. Meg's fingers tightened on his and Ben suddenly reached over to pick up the tiny box. Ray watched as he took out the ring and exchanged a quick glance with Meg. She nodded, still smiling, though Ben's face was grave now. They both looked at him. 

He licked lips gone suddenly dry. "Do it." It was just a whisper. 

Ben slid the ring onto his finger. He felt its coldness for a moment, then it warmed against his skin as Ben's hand closed over his and Meg's. There was a long silence. 

"So, what do we do now?" It was supposed to sound facetious but his voice was shaking pathetically. 

Ben got up, came around the table, and pulled him up into a warm embrace. "Now, we consummate our marriage." 

*

He couldn't remember going into the bedroom, but now he was lying on the bed as warm gentle hands caressed his skin. He was still fully dressed, he realised, just his shirt was half undone. How was it possible to feel so good with all your clothes still on? Warm lips parted his, a tongue searched his mouth... he recognised the taste of Meg, so it must be Ben who was sucking so firmly on his nipple. It didn't occur to him that he'd only had to open his eyes to find that out... 

Dazed with arousal and emotion, he allowed them to do whatever they wanted. Hands turned him, removing his clothes with careful efficiency and then he was left alone. He moaned softly, and when that brought no response, he managed to open his eyes and turn his head. Ben and Meg were undressing each other. It was the most beautiful sight he'd ever seen... they were both so fair, veins showing blue traceries beneath the thin skin, the dark hair of their heads and their groins only accentuating their paleness. 

As he watched, they kissed deeply, and then Meg detached herself from Ben and turned towards the bed. Towards him... Beyond her he could see Ben, his cock already flushed and erect and he groaned with pleasure at the sight. Then Meg was touching him, sliding over his body sensuously, tickling him with the wiry curls at her groin, her breasts a feather light caress against his chest. She drew him with her, turning him into her arms and he felt Ben press close against his back. 

"This is for you, love." He heard the words clearly, whispered into his ear. But he had no idea which of them had spoken, which was ridiculous, except that his brain seemed to have turned to mush and he wasn't even sure of his own name right now. They began to kiss him, trailing warm wet kisses over his face and body, gently sucking at his skin. He was lost in sensation, his body responding helplessly to the most incredible lovemaking he'd ever experienced. Nothing they'd done before had been anything like this. 

He turned his head, seeking Ben's mouth blindly, finding it and plunging his tongue into the depths. Ben moaned in response, and began to move his hips in sweet, short thrusts along the cleft of Ray's ass. Fire shot though him, burning a path straight to his cock and he shuddered. Caught between their bodies as he was, there was no escape. Then, suddenly, he was free. 

His eyes flew open, a protest half-formed on his lips. But Ben and Meg were both leaning over him, their cheeks flushed and their eyes hazy and smiling. He drew Meg down and buried his face against her breasts, breathing in her scent, his fingers reaching instinctively to touch their softness while Meg stroked his hair gently and whispered her pleasure. He reached for Ben's hand and linked their fingers, drawing them together down Meg's body. 

Meg shifted against them and he felt her warmth, her wetness on his fingers. He reached for Ben's cock with his other hand, wanting to pleasure them together as a hand slipped between his legs, completing the circle of their loving. This would have been enough for him, more than enough, but when Meg slid across his thighs, straddling him, his whole body surged upwards, vainly seeking her. A moan of sheer frustration escaped him, changing to one of pleasure when his cock was stroked firmly and then guided into her. He opened his eyes again as she came down on him, and laid herself along his body. His arms went around her, stroking her back, and he began moving cautiously against her. He could feel Ben lying alongside them, his cock pressed, trembling, to Ray's hip. 

Ben's arms came around both of them, and they were sharing kisses with a hot urgency that was enough of a warning. Meg rolled them both onto their sides, careful not to separate from him, and he began the quick deep strokes that would bring them the release they both craved. He wasn't prepared for the touch of a gentle finger between his cheeks, or the smooth penetration that followed and he cried out, not knowing whether to push forward or back, but Ben held him gently until he could think again. He felt Ben lean across him to kiss Meg and together they began to seek a rhythm that would satisfy them all. 

Suddenly it just seemed to fall into place and they were moving together as though they had always done this, as though they had never loved in any other way. Ray, caught between the other two, could feel their every moan, their every tremor in his own body and it was becoming too intense to bear. The ending, when it came, was like a chain reaction sweeping through their joined bodies, leaving devastation in its wake. 

Gradually sense and awareness returned... warm sweaty bodies cradled him, lips brushed his cheek... he forced his reluctant eyes to open. Meg was lying with her head buried against his chest. He stroked the warm strands, as silky as Ben's, but she barely stirred. He tightened his arm around her slightly and managed to turn to Ben, drawing Meg with him. The slate blue eyes were open, and so full of love that Ray couldn't speak for a moment. But there really wasn't any need to speak, he knew he was grinning like a lovesick fool, but he didn't care. 

*

Ray turned from the window at the exclusive and very private hospital and watched as Meg suckled her new-born son. She was looking the picture of maternal bliss... tired, misty-eyed, and smiling tenderly. You'd hardly know she'd been swearing like a trooper only a couple of hours ago. Ben was sitting on the bed with her, gently stroking his son's cheek. He was thrilled that it was a boy, Ray knew he'd wanted to hand on the Fraser heritage... and his own father's name. And the timing was just perfect. Only yesterday they'd celebrated their third anniversary. 

Their last anniversary hadn't been nearly so rosy. It was about then that Meg had started feeling those maternal urges, and then all hell had broken loose. There'd been some fierce exchanges of opinion, mostly between him and Meg. Ben, having suffered before in their crossfire, had chosen to stay mostly on the sidelines. But it had been Ben who, in typical fashion, had come up with the solution. After that it had just been a matter of finding a doctor to help them achieve it. 

He smiled down at his daughter. Only fifteen minutes older than her brother, there'd been no doubt, even from the beginning, who'd fathered which baby. She had the Vecchio nose, or she would when she got older... he thought she was the spitting image of Frannie's baby photos. 

Of course it would have been nice if the babies had been conceived in the time honoured fashion, but then one of them would have had to wait another couple of years before becoming a father. Ray hadn't wanted to do that, and he hadn't been keen on making Benny wait either. Meg of course had hit the roof, not that he blamed her... even though he'd hotly denied her accusation that he only saw her as a baby making machine. That was about the time that Benny had thought up the invitro fertilisation scheme... 

She was almost asleep now, and he took her over to the crib and settled her in it. Meg had finished feeding Robert and Ben was carefully burping him. He still looked pretty dazed. Ray grinned, he was feeling pretty euphoric too. He went over and sat on the other side of the bed, dropping a kiss on Meg's cheek. God, she looked tired. They'd have to leave soon, but he had a feeling he'd have to drag Benny away forcibly. 

"You do good work, love... she's perfect. They both are." 

Meg summoned up a tired grin. "The two of you had something to do with that, Ray." 

"Not much." 

He looked down at their clasped hands. He was wearing the ring all the time now, since they'd moved to Ottawa nearly two years ago. There was nobody here who knew him well enough to ask awkward questions and he'd just forgotten to take it off one day. Besides they were all living together now in a large old house on the outskirts and nobody seemed to think much of it, everybody knew they were old friends and accepted their living arrangements at face value. 

Meg yawned uncontrollably. It was time they left. 

"Hey, Benny. It's time we let Meg get some rest." 

Ben looked up. "Oh! Oh, of course. I'll just put Robert in his crib." 

He looked so crestfallen that Ray chuckled. "Don't worry, love. They're all coming home tomorrow, you'll be able to go as broody as you like." 

He turned back to Meg and kissed her again. "Take it easy, love. Get plenty of rest and we'll pick you up around two o'clock." 

She smiled demurely. "I dare say you'll be going home to... celebrate?" 

"Yeah, but we'll think of you." He grinned, watching entranced as the man who could find a parked car using compass directions wandered out the door and turned the wrong way. "I'd better go get him, or we'll never get out of here. Bye love." 

He dived for the door, ignoring her muttered "Men!" He thought he saw Ben just turning the corner up ahead and started to run. "Hey, Benny! Wait up!" 

  


End file.
